So many thoughts went through my head after receiving my results...I have an amazing opportunity once I pass this course...did I just blow it? Will people judge me because I may think I know what I'm doing but because I failed this test, I don't? Am I even good enough to be coaching other people? This can't be possible...there must be a flaw in the system! Did I really just see FAIL under my name? Are you freaking kidding me?? How did this happen? Did I time it wrong? Should I have waited until the boys were back in school and my mind wasn't so flustered? and so on and so on....
After throwing a minor temper tantrum like a toddler, I realized that part of my being upset is not necessarily because I failed a silly test, but because I was embarrassed to tell anyone that I failed a silly little test. Don't let me fool you, I am devastated that I didn't pass this written test. I have been doing CrossFit for a year and a half, and I know this stuff. Ha! I may know how to show up to class, lift heavy stuff, do way too many burpees, hang upside down, do a double-under and feel like I've had my butt kicked after an hour but this 55 question test is telling me I don't! And THAT, is discouraging and quite frankly a confidence buzz kill to say the least.
If you follow my personal facebook account, you may remember a post from last week that said I have learned "the ability to accept humility." This quote has been put to the test! After spending the afternoon with my supportive family...husband, kids, mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law....the people who KNOW me and LOVE me unconditionally, I tried, stubbornly tried, to see the light in all of this. We are all our own worst critics so that was (is) hard. Well, I woke up and decided it was a new day and instead of hiding behind my "FAIL," I'm going to announce it to whoever reads this! I am not a failure! I am not stupid. I am not less of a person/crossfitter because I failed a silly, tricky little test. I am a better person because I tried. I am a better person because I am learning the "ability to accept humility" and that is harder than any test. AND I am a better person because I already signed up for my re-test and I KNOW exactly where I need to focus my studies! I do need to find clarity in the difference of "best" vs. "most important.' They seem pretty lateral and interchanging to me?! But what do I know?! Haha!
Failing is one of life's biggest lessons and tests. It's a lesson that knocks you down but forces you to move on and do better. It's also a test to see HOW you pick yourself up and move on. HOW you take that negative and turn it into a positive. And THAT my friends, is exactly what I am going to do...pick myself up, move on, study harder and focus on my daily blessings that I know give me a passing grade! And dang it, if I have to wait a few more weeks to get my 25% off new CrossFit shoes, well, I guess I'll have to wait!